The guilt sets in.....

So yesterday was my 5th day back in work, and it has been going very well :o). I have surprisingly really enjoyed being back at work - (that is not something I ever thought I would say!)
When I started my maternity leave I was adamant the life of a Stay at Home Mum was the life for me - but after almost a full year off work I now know I am the working type!
Despite knowing I am a working gal, I spent all of the Monday prior to returning to work in floods of tears at the thought of 'my 1st day back'......Eurg! The thought had made me feel like vomiting, it had filled me with dread for weeks and weeks and I was so scared to leave my precious little man.

Anyway the day came, tears were shed as I left the little man, but once I was in work I was fine, I actually really enjoyed being in work. It was great to realise I had not forgotten how to do my job (not all of it anyway) and it was fab seeing and speaking to everyone again! The days have been going quickly, so I'm home before I know it! This is how my first 4 days had been - Happy days I thought! Being a working Mum isn't as hard as I thought it was going to be......

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

Well yesterday started well, I was all set to work late (I usually work until 4pm, but was planning to work til 6pm with the other half)
Anyway halfway through my day that had changed, I had to stay and support until 8pm. That then meant that I wouldn't see the little man as he will be in bed by the time I get home :(
That's OK its only once! It's not as if I do it everyday, I'm usually home by 4.30 and get a good amount of time with him. I'll be OK, I'll be strong! I'm sure the little man won't even notice......

So I get home at about 8.25pm, I decided it will be a takeout for tea, as I knew I wouldn't be in the mood for cooking. Takeout was ordered to be delivered at 8.30pm.

I had just had chance to take my makeup off and have a peek at the little man before it arrived. (he looked so peaceful asleep - I could watch him for hours!)

Food was eaten, then time to think about what needs doing for the next day....

- Work clothes need ironing, the little mans stuff needs sorting for my Mum, lunch needs preparing, a bit of time to chill,then off to bed! Normally I'd have a lot of other things to do but the other half had done most of it :o)

So that brings me to today!

I decided to get the little man up a bit earlier than normal so I got extra time to see him!

5.45am - I go into his room and start rustling about..... His head pops up and a he then beams a HUGE grin my way :o)
I give him his bottle, and just enjoy having him in my arms for a little while. After he had finished his bottle he stayed on my knee, but he kept looking at me and then burying his head onto my shoulders to give me hug, he did this over and over again, it was as if he were thinking Mum your here, please don't go again! :(
This really got me! I had to fight back the tears as I really didn't want him to see me upset... he then hears movement for our bedroom as the other half get up, he gets excited and climbs down my leg to go see Dad...

6.20am - The other half leaves to pick my Mum up, so I get the little man to myself again - YAY! We have a little play and story time.......the other half and my Mum arrive, but My mum arriving now signals to the little man that Mum and Dad are about to leave which made him bursts into tears! This then makes me nearly burst into tears but again I fight them back......for a while anyway!.....

I had fought the tears back all the way to work, I even make it until about 9am, but my friend came over to my desk and asked how I was - I bet she didn't expect me to burst onto tears!

Why is it I manage to stay strong all morning, but then the minute someone sees if I'm OK i crumble?

So it's official the guilt has set in........

I hope it gets easier, as today had been hard! Very hard! But hey, tomorrow is a new day!